Balls

I feel like I've used this title before. I'm using it again, in regards to, you guessed it. D has lost his ever-loving mind.
It had been almost another 3 weeks that went by before he contacting me to see the kids. He left a message that he was "ready to face the music." When I called back, he told me he was ready to be bitched out. I calmly told him that I have no bitching to do, and that I've wasted too much breath on him already. I confirmed his sobriety (7 days), and agreed that he could come over. He walked in to open arms of all 3 babies. I was honestly happy for him that they did that. I was a bit afraid, honestly, that they would be more standoffish. His presence, after all, is getting to be less and less.

The visit went well. He was in a good place, engaged with them, behaving appropriately. I honestly didn't even look at him or talk to him for well over an hour. He finally told me that he'd been sober for 7 days, as he'd had a wake-up call. Apparently he fell, face first, on the sidewalk in front of his condo. He said he barely got up on his own, but did. He was dizzy for 2 days, having to hold on to the wall if he needed to get up for anything.

When he left, Sophie asked if he cold come over the next day, which he deferred to me. I said "probably" knowing that I would let him. Fast forward to the next morning when his brother texted me telling me that he hadn't gotten any work from him in 6 weeks. I called D and asked him about it, remembering that he had told me he was thinking about quitting. Mind you, this is an 8 hour a week job, that he can do from HOME naked, if he wants. He told me he quit. I asked if his brother knew. He said he didn't know. I asked if he had TOLD his brother he quit. No. Then HOW IN THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW?!?! The logic....it's just not there. I pushed him on the job thing for a minute or two, questioning where his money was going to come from. He started shutting down, so I asked if he wanted to come over that night and he said yes. I told him that it was ok with me, but that he should know that J might be there. He said "well then never mind."

Suddenly, I got this very malicious, baiting, question. "So, did you have fun at the game, on your birthday?" referencing that I went to the baseball game with J for my b-day. I said yes, and that it was fun.

Then he said "did you get some?" UM, HELLLOOOO? I actually asked "get some what?" hoping against hope that I had heard him incorrectly. Nope. Get some sex. That's none of your business. Did you? It was your birthday, I assume you did. How is that your business?

Well, you better not get pregnant. HOLD THE PHONE, WHAT?! And how is THAT your business? It's my business. Are you planning that? It's totally my business if you get pregnant, because it will negatively affect my children. Ummmmm.....really....b/c you haven't negatively affected your children?

He hung up after that. WHO does he think he is. I was livid, completely floored, mouth hanging open.

He's completely deluded. I called J and told him about it and he stated the obvious, I just hadn't realized it. He said that D finally realized that he had lost me, and is just pushing back. I don't understand how he could NOT know he had "lost" me by now, but I think J was right. He had planned on being at my house last night, and volunteered to leave so D could be there to see his kids. Under different circumstances, I might have done that, but not after the crap that he pulled.

This is NOT going to be pretty.

Earlier that morning, I'd ask J his thoughts on meeting D, knowing that it will have to happen. Of course his immediate response was "Whenever. Whatever you need me to do." We had already discussed that D is going to have to minimally accept that J is in my life (and not going anywhere). He's at my house ALOT, and if D wants to see his kids, they will run into each other. I'm not going to rearrange MY schedule or what I want to do to cater to D. I've done it for too many years, and I'm done. He's going to have to deal with being uncomfortable.  J has offered to support me in whatever I choose to do. He's happy to meet D; he's happy to leave when he comes over. But again, the two of us are on the same page that this is something D will have to get used to.

Of course, I didn't hear from D the rest of the day, and so far today not at all either. I can only imagine that he's drinking again, but maybe not. I hope his fall was the eye-opener he needed.