I just got this IM from D. "I have to cancel for tonight, vomiting chills, etc. I'm still on for Sat a.m. and Sunday a.m."
I want to say, "from drinking too much, or not drinking enough." But, I know he would ignore it, so what's the point really. 80% of me is fine when he isn't there. I have to admit though that it's nice to have extra hands, even if they're at 50% capacity. Oh well.
Thank GOD I am careful not to make promises to S of when daddy will and won't be there. I feel though, that we need to work on a more consistent schedule, for her sake. She wants him there every day, she's said as much. I would like to be able to tell her that daddy will come see us on x, x, x, and x days. The reality is though, that he won't always keep those dates.
I curse him often, and sometimes almost hate him. As far as our relationship is concerned, I have very few emotions left. I don't get a twinge of "what if" when I see him. Honestly, it's relief when he leaves my house.
He's still in some sort of denial. I asked last weekend when he was going to change our relationship status of FB. He told me he hadn't even thought about it, and then said "we *are* still married." Then, one night this week he informed me he'd been playing phone tag with a therapist recommended by his psychiatrist. "She's an LCSW, and some sort of specialist in marriage and family stuff. I thought that was good." Um. Really? For your next marriage? I just rolled my eyes.
In good news, I found out today that our mediator has completed all paperwork. Next step is to set up a meeting to review and get the papers from him. After that, I suppose I file.
And in REALLY great news, I found out that I can re-fi our home mortgage all on my own. I have enough income, and little debt, so even the fact that my name is still on our condo mortgage won't stop me from re-fi'ing. GO ME!
Mr. Inconsistent has done it again... gotten under your skin - but GOOD FOR YOU for not even approaching the "drinking" subject with him. You are picking your battles wisely. :) It just breaks my heart that he's constantly breaking S's heart. I don't know how he can twist that around in his own head and make it "alright". S, A & C should come first, always... but his mind is diseased. He doesn't see that he is abandoning his children on a weekly basis. A set schedule would of course be ideal, but like you said - he'd never stick to it. I'm sure that no matter how much S talks about him or has her little heart hurt when he doesn't come over, she finds comfort in knowing for sure that YOU *are* always there for her. That is what will stick with her for the rest of her life.
ReplyDeleteThat really is great news about the mortgage!! Yes, go you!!! :)
That last bit of info on the re-fi is great. Sadly I think you'll always have to deal with his back and forth and unreliability, and that sucks. You are totally doing the right things for your kids and they know mommy is a stability in their life. I think actually filing will be a big step for both of you and maybe then it'll start to settle in with him that the marriage is over.
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