a boyfriend

Um, I think I have one. Actually, I know I have one...we established it yesterday. I have that high school giddy feeling:)

First things first...Shane is out of the picture. It didn't feel right from the very start, and I felt like I was trying to play the round peg/square hole game. So, he's out of the game.

All of my dating time has been spent with Justin. It DID feel good (and SO right) from the start, was just missing the chemistry. Once that was found, it's sort of been full steam ahead. If something good (or bad) happens, HE'S the one I want to talk to. I ran my first 5K last weekend and he was the first person I texted to let know I finished. It's SO like high school, with an adult spin on it. We went out Sat night to celebrate the 5K and it was just FUN. No worries about anything...we laughed, and I didn't have to worry about anything. I really, really like being with him. A lot.

He's generally just a very accepting, nonjudgmental person. Very different from D. We're motivating each other to eat healthy and work out. I'm not self-conscious with him. I can be myself and I feel pretty darn strongly that he will accept it, whatever it is. He's understanding of the D situation. His brother died 10 years ago, from drugs/alcohol. He gets it. He understands that my situation is not typical. He asks about D, and encourages me to talk about things related to him, if I need to.

He holds my hand. He says I'm beautiful. I catch him just looking at me.  I've been very clear that I'm scared shitless of being in a relationship, and he is nothing but understanding.

The babies have met him, as "mommy's friend." He offered to install a new ceiling fan for me...mine broke a few months ago. He's seen them twice now. The first night, the girls followed him around like  little puppy dogs. I have this picture in my head of him sitting on my bed (the ceiling fan is in my bedroom), and they are standing next to him completely mesmerized by a story he is telling. They were hanging on to every word. I cycled between wanting to break down and sob just watching them interact with him and wanting to physically jump on him from watching HIM interact with them, lol.

He's SO not my type, but I'm going with it. It feels right, for now at least. Who knows what's down the road. He asked me twice recently(on different occasions) if I was 1) dating anyone else or 2) if I was his "girl." I easily answered the first part telling him that I HAD been talking to someone else, but had stopped. I skirted the other question. He asked me again the other morning and I gave him a very passive response, but didn't realize it was only going to appease him for a short time. Yesterday, he asked me via text...are we exclusive. He gave me EVERY reason/way to back out and say no. There was absolutely no pressure. But, ultimately, my answer was yes:)

OMG I have a boyfriend!

Now let's get to the not so fun part. D has not been over since the vodka debacle. He e-mailed on Fri night asking if he could come over the next day. I ignored it until about 10 on Sat morning. I asked what time he was thinking and he said 11:30. I told him it was fine, if he was sober. If not, don't bother. Surprise, surprise, he didn't show. We're going on a week and a half without him seeing his kids.