After a lot of back and forth with attorney (due to my misunderstanding), I received our affidavits and judgement, all which needed to be signed, and the affidavits notarized.
I had had no contact with D since the threats. I began e-mailing/texting on Wed, letting him know I had the papers and we needed to sign, and could he met Thur or Fri. He didn't respond. As usual with anything to do with him, my anxiety went through the roof. It was HORRIBLE. I let it go until Thursday morning. Historically, I KNOW that repeated attempted contacts with him do NOT work. If anything, it causes him to take LONGER to respond. So, I lied. I sent him a text and told him that I understood that he many not be comfortable leaving his condo, so that I was more than happy to bring a notary to him. He responded less than 15 minutes later that he would meet me on Friday.
Going in to Thursday night, I was still mad/upset about the threats and how he felt it was acceptable to say things like that. I woke up Fri morning to see this on FB. I should preface this by saying that I usually get a warning text from a friend when something that might upset me is posted. This time, I didn't, as he posted about 1 am and I saw it before 7 am.
"As
I'm about to sign the final divorce paperwork tomorrow morning. I want
to thank Stacey for being the best wife a man could ever have. The best
mom in the world who after many struggles blessed us with the three most
perfect children in the world. We purchased two homes together. It has
been the best 14 years of my life. Thank you!!!"
My heart stopped when I read it. Instant tears, and I must have gasped or something b/c I remember J looking very concerned. I threw my phone at him, he read it, and then just rolled over and gave me a hug. I can't even put into words what I was feeling. For a brief second, I assumed it was sincere, but then I got pissed b/c I thought he was being manipulative. My main thought was "how DARE he say that?" Initially, I wasn't even upset that it was so visible, it was just really "how does he have the balls to say that." I went through every emotion.
I will honestly say that there was about 10 seconds, that's all it lasted, that I thought, OMG maybe we can make this work. Maybe he really does want to make this work. But then, that thought was gone. 1) I know he's not capable and 2) I've moved on, with no regrets, and plan to keep it that way.
J, God bless him, told me he thought that D was being sincere and that perhaps the 14 years really were his best. Hours later, I realized this probably was/is the case, and that even though he thinks that, I have my own perspective on those 14 years. The passing out, the being called a bitch in a drunken stupor, the DUI's, the jail bail-outs, the hurt feelings he caused others, the blood on my floor b/c he did something stupid. It brought up things that I had COMPLETELY forgotten about, or out and out denied happening, even in my own head.
I met him at the bank with mixed emotions. I had SO wanted to be pissed at him, and partially was, but mostly I was sad. Divorce is sad, especially when it's yours. He was waiting for me. We walked to the banker, and I could FEEL D looking at me. I refused to look back. I didn't want to start crying. I had tears in my eyes as it was and didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
It took all of 5 minutes, and then he followed me out of the bank, trying to make small talk. This is D. Can never have a serious conversation. We just ended an 11 year marriage, and he wants to talk about the construction across the street. I supposed I didn't do much better. I immediately went on the defensive and started showering him with questions about the threats. He told me to forget it, that it was done in a drunken haze and shouldn't have been said, and that he would apologize. Then, I immediately started confronting him about how S had been in the ICU. His response? "I'm on FB. I saw." "Really? Then you couldn't visit? Couldn't call me to check on her? Couldn't send a fucking balloon??" And then, I went THERE. "The next time you want to threaten J, you should know that HE was the one that was there with me. That HE met me in the ER and stayed for 48 hours. That HE needed to leave, but didn't because she cried for him to stay." God help me, I know I went too far, I KNOW it, but it just came out, it was just POURING out of my mouth. It was NOT the time to bring him up, and I knew that, but the connection with the threats and then her being in the hospital, in my mind at that time, it made sense.
He responded with "yeah, and he's telling me I'm not welcome to see my kids." He was referring to the very first e-mail that J sent to him after the threat "stay away from her and the kids." I told him that he was NEVER told that he wasn't welcome, and that he knew what he had to do to see them. At that point, he slammed the car door and drove away.
I don't know what made me think I could go back to work after signing the papers. I was exhausted. I did meet a friend for lunch, but then headed home. I closed the curtains and crawled under the covers. I relived some of the 14 years. A lot good, especially at the beginning, but SO much bad, throughout. How he thinks he hasn't changed is beyond me.
I know I did the right thing, for me and my kids. I'm not sure it was the best thing for him, but I can't dwell on that. He's an adult. He has to take care of himself. I do predict that he'll be dead in 12 months. He can't sustain the level he is drinking. He could barely sign his name. He used to have such a distinctive signature, and now, even knowing him, I can barely tell that it's his.
I'm REALLY working on something. I get SO mad when he/his friends talk about his kids like he's the best dad ever. It infuriates me. But in conversations with J, I realize that, at the end of the day, it's not the worst thing in the world if he has his friends thinking this. It's not hurting me. it's not hurting our kids. If he gets any sort of satisfaction from that, so be it. So for now, I'm really going to try to overlook it, as right now, it's only causing me anxiety/anger. I will try to let it go.
No comments:
Post a Comment