Soooooo.....

a bit more insight into the surprise.
Saturday was a bitch for me. We had a bday party in the morning, then met D's brother at family at the park, went home for nap and then headed to a friends surprise party. I was exhausted.
The bday party in the morning was at a Children's Museum. I don't know what made me think I could take all 3. We got there about 30 minutes before the party, so played a bit. They were barely manageable, but I did it. Then, we got to the party. A refused to sit by herself, C had paint all over him, despite a paint smock and S was clearly in need of some attention. It was a mess. I felt myself slowly melting down. It didn't help that I overhead other moms there complaining about how rough their life was (and they only had ONE kid at the party). Complaining about their younger child, who they mentioned was home with their dads. Yeah, rough life girls, real rough. I know that's mean, and I usually don't think that way, but that morning it was really lucky that I kept my mouth shut.

We left the party at 11:30, thinking we were meeting M and family at 12. He texted to say he was running late would be more like 12:30. I was livid, since we were on SUCH a tight schedule and needing to get naps in. I would have canceled but I had already told kids that we were going to the park. So, I texted M and told him we'd be there by 12, as planned, and would need to leave by 1 to get home. I knew he was pissed, but whatever. He lives 2 hours away so we don't see each other much, and I would have been more forgiving but this is the norm for him. His mom used to talk about it as "M time." If he says 5:30, you can typically plan on him showing at 7. It's just a blatant disregard for anyone else's time.

Anyway, as we were trading texts, J texted to see how things were going. I told him I was close to tears and wasn't sure how I thought I could handle all 3 by myself in a place like that. Then, he called me and let me vent. He was driving with O, out to wherever they were going that afternoon. I talked while driving to McD's to get food to take to park. He asked what park and I told him. As I was pulling out of the drive thru, through the parking lot, I looked over and he was standing outside of his car smiling at me. WTF? He said they'd been on their way, but were in no hurry, and he wanted to give me a hug. I know for a fact that this was the complete opposite direction of where they were headed. He just floors me, over and over.

He and O came to the park with us, where M and family did show up about 12:30. So now, J has met D's brother. That one was a bit awkward for me.

We made it home for nap, and then to friends party. I forgot I had a sitter for that night. I texted J to ask if he wanted to go out. Half of me needed to run screaming from my house and the other half just wanted to crawl under the covers:) We decided to go out, talking generally about getting a steak somewhere.

We're driving aimlessly, with no particular place in mind. We finally decided on a bar and grill neither had been to, and there was live music outside. It was just so nice to sit and veg out. He brought up my  ongoing issue of my paranoia that he's going to change his mind, reminding me that I could change mine just as easily. Although it didn't make complete sense, he said "At this point, I think it will take something like traumatic brain injury to change either of our minds, make us bored or complacent."  Then later, he asked if I wanted to know the "surprise" he had been talking about.

Apparently, that day he'd been talking to a close (girl) friend about me, about his feelings, etc. He told her he was thinking about having a ring for me, to give me on the day my divorce is final. I'm sure I just had a blank stare on my face. He said that he had asked her opinion on if he should tell me this or not. She said no, that it would stress me out. Clearly, he chose to tell me. My response was "oh, whatever!" as in, he would never do that.  Who knows. Last night, again, he asked, "you really don't think I'll do it?" But, I know him well enough to know that if he brought it up, he's thinking something. I also know he can't afford a ring right now, so maybe some token something. We'll see!!

He also talked more generally about getting married, saying that he'd be fine with not, and that he would not view the relationship as anything less if we didn't. He's concerned, as he has mentioned before, that his financial situation might impact me and my kids. While he has a very stable, reliable job, he doesn't get taxes taken out of his paychecks, and wouldn't want any tax implications to impact me. That's definitely something to work through. He went on to say that a marriage is the "ultimate declaration of love" and he regrets doing that with his ex, and that if that's what I wanted, he was more than onboard. I know myself. If it gets to that point, yes, I need to be married. False sense of security? Yes, but I still need it.

So there you have it. Something is most definitely brewing!

Oh, and also...he's been mentioning to me for awhile now that there's a Disney trip planned for next summer. His mom and step-dad have a timeshare in Orlando, and it would be O's first trip. He's jokingly said that if I play my cards right, me and my kids can go too. I've never brought it up, he has. On Sat night at dinner, he said that his mom mentioned something about if they wait another year (so summer 2016), then they could double their points and get a place big enough for all of us. He admitted that he has said relatively little about me to her, but she must be able to tell from WHAT he says, that it's serious (and so she's thinking I'll still be around in two years).  This is all just craziness.