The good and the expected...

First, the expected...a high school friend of D's texted me the morning after he deactivated his FB account, saying that he'd sent her a "miss you" e-mail on FB just a few hours before his account was deactivated. She's lost a sibling to suicide, and was concerned. She said she'd talked with a few of their mutual friends to try to get them to check on him, but all said that he was in a secure building and they couldn't get in.  Cue contacting me. Long story short, I TOTALLY forgot that one of his childhood friends is a cop in the city that we live in. L (friend) had gotten DB (cop friend) to get a another cop to check on him, and was met with the same issue of not being able to get in the building.

So, DB called me on Thursday, asking what was going on. He was in our wedding, have seen him not even a handful of times since. D has always spoken highly of DB and his entire family so I honestly had no issues sharing some of what was going on with him, especially as a police officer. He told me that he'd tried to reach out to D several times, inviting him over for Thanksgiving, and D never responded. They saw each other at a hockey game a few years and go and D completely blew him off. They've always had the kind of relationship that they could just jump right in after a long hiatus, but even DB said it seemed like an effort in futility to try to remain in contact.

I still don't have a key to the outside of our condo building. I had to call the property manager, who manages multiple properties/tenants and tell him that D might not be in a good place, and I needed the cops to check on him. He was eager to help and told me that D had looked rough the last several times he'd seen him. I was shocked, given all he has to keep track of, that he even remembered, so it had to be bad.

I met him at the building. He opened the door for me, and I had to wait for the cops to come. They did, it took forever. D was there, he let them in, let them look around. They said there was no indication that he might hurt himself. He seemed very anxious. Which is normal for him. So that was that.

As I was sitting there waiting for them to come downstairs, I realized how fed up I was and how I DIDN'T want to be sitting there. I've done my time, right?

Earlier that day, I had driven over, trying to get a spare key from him, just so I could have it, since C lost mine. I sent him a few texts letting him know I was stopping by. Nothing. No response. And of course when I showed, he wouldn't answer to let me in, or bring the key down to me. I sent J a text when I was on my way there, just to let him know what i was doing. He immediately called me, begging me not to go. Telling me he was worried and didn't trust what D would do. He started crying. So, I stayed on the phone with him while I walked up to ring the buzzer so he'd have the peace of mind that I was ok. Then, I promised I'd never do it again.

I didn't hear from D all weekend. I texted today to ask if he was ok. He said yes he was and that I needed to take him off of my credit cards so that he can try and re-fi. He should have done this a year ago, per our separation agreement. The only reason he's doing it now is so that I don't have a say/connection to the condo. Fine, whatever. I DO need to take him off of the card, so I will do that. Then, he texts right back to say that he's about to have a heart attack and can he have Sierra back. I responded that if he was having a heart attack, he needed to go to the hospital.  More than likely, it's an anxiety attack. I didn't mention Sierra at all.

And then the good...J and I took my kids and O to the pumpkin patch on Sat. Good GOD 4 kids is ALOT of work, especially at a place like that. S and C were both in rare form. There were several times that I heard J say "go with mommy. go with Stacey." He told me on Sunday that that had morphed into "go with Mommy Stacey", which is how he is referring to me now with O. Obviously, I'm  not his mom, so J didn't want to throw him off by continuing to say mommy. I had heard him struggle with that throughout the day, so now I guess I'm Mommy Stacey:)

There has been no specific talk about future recently, and I'm ok with that. Things are good. But, still, I'm a female and I'm curious. And the fact that he has given this name for me, to his son, speaks volumes. Things are good:)