Apparently he's not in as much denial as I thought. I saw him yesterday, and saw that he'd taken off his ring. My emotions connected to this action have really surprised me. I'm still wearing mine. Until yesterday, I just couldn't really fathom taking them off. I wasn't ready. I'm still not, but I feel like he's forcing my hand now. I had to do a few double takes to see that it really wasn't there. I didn't say anything to him. I'm honestly surprised his ring CAME off. We're no the type to take off our rings, so he last time he took it off for something was most likely years ago.
It was never a race between us to see who would take it off first. Him doing so really alleviates the guilt that I had in doing it. But man. It really upset me. It was the outward appearance of marriage. Now, *I* look like the one still holding on. In a sense, I guess I am.
I love my rings. They're gorgeous. My wedding ring is actually his great grandmothers. My mother in law gave it to me the Christmas after we got engaged. Taking it off makes me feel like I'm divorcing her too, although that's clearly not the case.
One of my very good friends is divorcing, and took hers off the day her husband moved out. She was very ready, and plans to sell her rings. I asked about saving them for her daughter, but her thought was "why? Something that represents a broken marriage?" I don't feel that way. I know how much we loved each other at one time. I remember putting D's ring on his finger. I don't have a problem saving them for S and A. Not to mention that one is a family heirloom.
I am dreading our mediation appt tomorrow. Having to sit across the table from him, staring at his naked finger.
I think that if I were in your shoes, I'd save your rings for the girls as well. They need to know that even if their parents aren't together, at one time they did love each other very much and that they were conceived out of love. (plus holding onto a family heirloom is very important) I can only imagine how much it hurts to have that outward appearance of marriage suddenly gone... but that's really all it is, an appearance. Your marriage has been *gone* for a long time now - and yes, it sucks - but maybe this is a positive step forward. It's very hard to let go and even harder to accept that something that was once so special can be ending, but try and think of it as a positive moment - a step toward a new future for you both, whatever that may be. I will be thinking of you tomorrow (and every day). I hope mediation goes well and that you find a little more peace and closure with each passing moment.
ReplyDeleteWe were separated for a few months on and off before he finally moved out. During that time I knew I was making the right decision and I took mine off the day he moved out for good. I don't know when he took his off. I ended up selling mine when I got engaged to current DH. And I loved that ring too, it had sapphires in it, but it wasn't a family heirloom. If you want S or A to have it, I don't see anything wrong with that.
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