Gonna wash that man right out of my hair...

A few things.
1) I don't think I ever confirmed here that I am indeed taking a TRIP. Girlfriend L and I are headed to NOLA on Thursday morning, and won't be back until Monday afternoon. D handled it better than expected. He's gotten more "ok" with it the closer it is to trip time. I felt like he was pissy about the money I'd be spending, so I told him that I am a) flying for free and b) staying in a fantastic hotel at an extremely cheap price. I didn't need to tell him that, but I always feel like he has an underlying issue with the money I spend, b/c he views it as his mom's money (even though I have a well-paying full time job). OR, maybe it's MY issues with the money I spend, and feeling slightly guilty. I don't know. At any rate, I am going, and I am ecstatic.

2) My parents will be "moving" into my house while I'm gone. We all thought it would be better to keep the babies in their routine, and I love that they're willing to stay at my house. That said, I have been cleaning like a mo-fo. I mean, they're at my house weekly anyway, and HELLO I lived with them for 18+ years, so they know I'm not the cleanest person. BUT, there's something different about knowing they'll be there 24/7 for 4-5 days. I have been hands and knees scrubbing the floors. Very reminiscent of my nesting phase with the twins. Literally 30+ weeks pregnant, on dr ordered bedrest, and giving in to the intense need to clean, scrub, shine, whatever I could.

I started with the dining room floor last week. While doing it, I realized that it was SO much more than  preparing for my parents to stay. I was trying to wash D out of my house. It's continued since. Yesterday alone, I scrubbed our laundry room, my bathroom and my bedroom. Pine-Sol everywhere, lol!  And, this was in addition to a 3 hour play date we'd had to start the morning. I wasn't tired at ALL, more exhuberant than anything.  Even now, sitting at work, I feel the intense need to go home and clean more. Part of it is also that I want to come home to a clean house, but I think more than that, I want to come home from this trip D-free, for lack of a better term.

More progress, Sunday night I took down one of our wedding pictures. The one of just the two of us. I replaced it with a wonderful picture of the twins that I took a few weeks ago. I made a special trip to find a fantastic frame, knowing where it would go. This morning, I took down our memory board from our wedding. The picture in it was of the night we were engaged, and it was matted and signed by our wedding guests. One of my bridesmaids gave that to us for our wedding present. I just took it down. No thought. It's now downstairs in the deep dark recesses of our basement. There's only one last picture to come down, and that's of the group of groomsmen and bridesmaids. Our friends. The only reason it's still on the wall is because it's hiding a giant hole, and I have yet to find a picture to replace it's spot.

His most empty side of the closet is gradually being taken over by my clothes. He still has many things at our house. Clothing is taking up several drawers. I condensed them all, lol, and took over a few of the drawers. I need the space!

I'm feeling good. Really good. I had lunch with my aunt today, and told her about the separation. She's only 15 years older than me, and growing up was always more like a big sister. I thought she would cry. She asked "the" questions: what happened, how are you. I seem to throw people for a loop when I say I'm ok, it was my decision, I didn't tell anyone until I was absolutely sure. I'm so sure this seems odd to people who don't know the story. My aunt is less judgemental than my parents, and I did tell her that his mental health was a big part of it. I didn't expand. I still can't do that yet.