Enough said. I am TRULY a single mom to 3 little people. Responsible for each of them 110%. It really hit me yesterday, and it's an exhausting thought.
I think I mentioned that D flaked on coming over on Tues, and then on Wed. His excuse for Thurs and Fri (today) was that he had appts. He told me what those appointments were, and they totaled maybe 4 hours of his time for both days. Definately enough other hours left in the day for him to see his children. But, he opted not too.
On Tues, I had sitter issues, and had to spend a chunk of time getting "coverage" at my house. Did that. On Wed, a similar issue arose, and I couldn't get the time covered so I had to leave work and go home for over an hour. Thurs, C had his monthly ENT appt and was also supposed to get a hearing test. To spare the details, things got complicated and I left without him getting to see his dr or get the hearing test. I HAD to go back to work. My desk is a mess. Papers everywhere, most of them really darn important. As I was rescheduling C's appt, I just kept getting more mad at D. Even on a good day, he wouldn't have been at the dr. Those appts usually fall on my plate anyway. But just the thought that I can't ASK him to help. It was just too much. I cried in the parking garage. I yelled some choice words. Thankfully C doesn't repeat anything yet;)
It's just too much for one person to handle. People hear I'm getting a divorce (I don't sugarcoat it by saying legally separated), and they are sympathetic, but they don't understand that D is NOT in the picture. At least not in any consistant way. This is really, really hard. I know I've dealt with really really hard before, but this seems so much worse. Maybe because I'm living it right now.
I am not a super woman, I am most certainly NOT a super mom, but I feel like most days I do a pretty darn good job. I don't feel that way right now. I definately need a battery recharge.
Bless your heart, you may not be SUPERMOM but you are a super mom, all of what you've done recently shows that. When I got comfortable answering people's questions and telling them exH was an alcoholic it felt so much better. I still loved him and respected him, but it was the truth. I didn't have kids at that time though, so I realize it may be different.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% with Jen - you are a SUPER mom. All of what you are doing is to protect those babies, to make sure that they have the best life they can given the situation. I know you are exhausted, at the end of your rope, worn down... BUT even just through the pics I see of your gorgeous little people, I can tell that they are so loved and happy and just beautiful! That being said, you do need to find time for you, time to relax a little, recharge a bit. Maybe your parents can watch the kids for a weekend? You know I'd do it if I could!! You will find a balance.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that you are a super mom. If you need a break this weekend, call or email me and S and I will come over and play with the kiddos. You can get out of the house and relax.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job getting through this mire! I have an idea for you that comes from family experience. My sister WAS also married to a 'troubled person' that she couldn't rely on and whom she often got so angry at because he didn't show up or pay up. Changing her perspective or attitude made a big difference. It went like this: Instead of being angry at him not showing up/paying up, she beforehand just said to herself, "Make no assumptions, have no expectations of him, count on him for nothing. Actually believe that he will not show up or pay up." Then when he DID show up/pay up, it was just a bonus. So for example, rather than counting on $1000 dollars a month in child support and being pissed off/stressed out because it wasn't paid, she decided not to count on this money AT ALL when figuring out her budget. 'If the planets all lined up' and he actually did pay the child support, it was bonus money! It involves a paradigm shift, for sure, but it sure helped her not to be so 'controlled by his irresponsible behavior'o and living with so much anger (which was making her sick.) Yes, he should have paid up/shown up, but she couldn't control his behavior, and the day she realized and quit trying to do so, and stressing/being pissed off about his poor behavior, was the day she started being in control of her life, and quit letting him decide whether it was going to be a good or bad day. It wasn't easy, but it sure made a difference to her mental health. The hardest part was letting go of the thoughts of 'well he should...' or "he has to..." or 'why doesn't he have to". Again, we can't control others, and will go crazy trying to do so. It sucks the energy right out of us.
ReplyDeleteMake getting reliable child care in place your priority. Set yourself up so that you don't have to rely on him for anything. It is up to him to establish a relationship with his kids. If he chooses not to, that is his business/loss. Yes, your children lose out too,big time, but you can't force someone to develop a relationship with others. Just my 2 cents. You're in my prayers.