UGH. He spent the night last night. The ONLY reason I allowed it was because he TOLD S he was staying before he ASKED me. She was so excited, I couldn't send him away. He slept on the couch of course. I was dumbounded when I heard his response to S's "daddy are you going to stay tonight?" He said "I think I AM going to stay!" A room away, my mouth dropped open. He didn't ask. Just assumed. Told me he needed to "dry out." I was floored at his audacity. In all honestly, he was quiet as a mouse, but still. He was THERE, and I couldn't sleep. It was seriously like PTSD. I barely slept. I would hear a sound and think "what's that? Was that the door? Is he drinking? Is that a glass? Is that another bottle opening." It was HORRIBLE. At the same time though, I had perspective, and realized without a doubt, how much better my life is without him.
He was awake when I woke up, having barely slept I'm sure. S went to say good morning to him, and then went to get dressed. During that time, I heard him dry heaving. A sound I hoped I would NEVER hear from him again. Horrible. I quickly turned up the TV S was watching, shut the bedroom door and went to find him. He was dry heaving over a trashcan in our family room. Shivering, tremors, sweat, the whole bit. "What's wrong?" "I'm sick. I don't ever want to feel like this again." "You need to leave. S cannot be witness to this." I walked away and a few minutes later I heard him leave.
What a self centered ASS to think he can just walk in MY house, uproot MY routine, on his whim. I've PAID for him to "dry out" and it hasn't worked yet. What's worse, I know this is only for a day or two. This was not for good. He just realized that he's been drinking too much and wants to get it under control for the short term, only to return to the old ways as soon as he forgets how miserable he felt this morning. How DARE he do that.
I have to think this may be in preparation for my parents stay this weekend. He wants to be on his best behavior, I'm sure. But, it's at MY expense, and he still doesn't see that.
I think it's time for a talk (one which you've probably already had with him) letting him know that he is never to make plans to stay (or to do anything else for that matter) with the kids without checking with you first. He truly has some nerve and took full advantage. Good for you though for realizing that he's the ass, that he's taking advantage once again and that it IS at YOUR expense. I feel like if this had happened several weeks back, you may have felt that guilt set in - but not this time. THAT is PROGRESS! You should never have to be exposed to (nor should the kids) his "drying out". He needs to man up, take control, and handle it on his own. Like you said, you've been there many times before to help with this and it hasn't worked. It's up to him now. You are not responsible for him.
ReplyDeleteDraw the line in the sand and don't let him cross it. Ever. It's your home now, and you get to decide who sleeps there or not. If he ever pulls this BS again, tell him, "No!" Sorry you had to go through this event. Live and learn. I think you are truly realizing what your bottom line is. That you no longer are prepared to be in the midst of his addiction. Take care.
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