My emotions have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other since Sunday. I took the babies to the pumpkin patch on Sunday morning (thank you S, for helping to wrangle my children;)). I sent D a text at 12:30, as we were leaving, so he would know what time we'd be home. In his defense, he never said he'd be there by 1 (or any specific time). We got home, had lunch, I put the twins down for their nap and lied down in my own bed. When D hadn't shown up by 1:30, I took a nap myself.
I woke up at 3 pm, feeling like I'd been drugged. I had no idea what time it was, what DAY it was. I'm not entirely sure I even knew my own name. I remember looking over at S, who was happily coloring in bed next to me. That grounded me a bit, and then I looked outside and I still couldn't decipher night from day. It was BIZARRE. Once I finally got my composure, I looked at my phone to see that D had called at 2:30, but didn't leave a message. I called him back, but no answer. About 4, I sent him a text letting him know that S was looking for him (this was true). No response. I didn't think much about it until I walked out the front door about 5 and saw that the trashcan of dirty dipes have been emptied and put in our dumpster. My guess is he was there and knocked, but I didn't hear.
Immediate guilt. OMG he showed up to see his kids and I didn't hear him. He went out of his way to drive here to see them and he couldn't. After this, I tried to call him several more times (a bit obsessively). No answer.
He never showed up, nor called back, nor answered my texts or contacted me on FB. I was also feeling very anxious about poor S's hives, and was obsessivly googling about that Sunday night. I couldn't sleep, was completely wound up and could not relax. It was horrible.
Monday is not one of his usual days so it didn't surprise me when he didn't show up. Last night, Tues, I fully expected to see his car in front of the house when I pulled on to our street. Interestingly, I was secretly hoping I wouldn't. I just had no desire to see him. I just wanted to spent time with my babies in a relatively chaos-free environment. He wasn't there, and didn't show the rest of the night.
S mentioned "daddy was supposed to be here tonight. That's weird that he wasn't." All I could say is "yes, that IS weird." I had no other response for her.
THEN, I wake up this AM to see a post of his on FB about "his wife's house." Um, I literally scratched my head. ENOUGH with calling me "wife" already. Yes, I am, technically, but certainly not in practice. It just pissed me off. I wanted to respond so badly "your wife would like to know when you're coming to see your kids." THIS close to doing that. But, I am the better person, right?!
I wonder why he isn't answering his phone. My guess is that he lost it. I don't think he ever got the text I sent on Sunday, since it wasn't marked as "delivered." I wonder, does he not have ANY interest in what's going on with his kids? What if one of them were sick, or S was in the ER (which is not a stretch given her medical history). I understand him not wanting to talk to me, but e-mail, or FB message or something to check on his kids. Although, if I think about it rationally, I would guess most divorced couples don't have a lot of communication with each other, unless it's absolutely necessary. But our situation is different. If he only wants to see them xx number of days per month, then we need to make a plan for that, and introduce it to S so she knows what to expect.
You are exhausted! Please do not feel guilty about actually falling asleep and getting some much needed rest & not hearing D knock. Your exhaustion has a lot to do with the fact that D has put you in the position of "provider of EVERYTHING" for the kids. Frankly, I'm glad you rested a bit! You obviously needed it. Now, if D cannot take the time to call you, answer your texts, message you, email you... anything... that's his problem. If I were him and I knocked on your door and you didn't answer, I'd be super worried and you better believe I'd be doing everything I could to check in. He.just.doesn't.care. Maybe he lost his phone, but for goodness sake - find another way. He continues to hurt S because she knows when he's supposed to be there to see them and she knows that it's "weird" when he doesn't show up. How dare he do that! It goes right back to my previous reply to your last post... he's just being an ass.
ReplyDeleteI saw his post where he called you his wife and I nearly fell out of my chair! I so desperately wanted to message you and say something, but I didn't want to stir the pot because I was sure that it had already pissed you off. He's delusional. You are TOTALLY a bigger person for just letting it slide (publicly). He is obviously fine enough to post on FB - so the fact that he hasn't checked in with you to check on the kids - unacceptable! Let things like this help you feel less guilty. He just doesn't give a crap. You shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt for needing to rest. Not ONE ounce. I agree, a plan for xx number of days per month (or whatever) needs to be made, but why should we believe he'd actually stick to that? I'm not sure what the solution would be to this whole mess, or if there even is one when you are dealing with someone who is less predictable than a child.