I tried to file on Friday afternoon. Lawyer friend S was in town, and went with me for moral support (and a bit of friendly legal assistance). One of the "exhibits" was not notarized, so I couldn't file. That's now been taken care of and I need to find the time to get back and do it. My first attempt at it though confirmed that I have everything else in place, so hopefully 2nd time around is the winner.
D is...D. Can we talk about denial (again)? Just yesterday, he said "maybe when they're older we can take then to Costa Rica." Um, HUH? Yes, that's just want I want to do. Take a "family" trip with my alcoholic ex. I don't understand his logic. Does he really think that I'm currently living my dream life, single mom to 3 kids, with a less than part time dad in the picture? What will he do when I get to the point of being ready to date? It feels like he thinks this is the way it's going to be forever, and I won't want to move on.
I didn't post about a HUGE incident that happened two weekends ago. I didn't have it in me until now. He had come over that Friday night, drunk. Not drunk to the world, but drunk to me. Very short, very on edge, very confrontational. I didn't send him home. Why? I need to work on this. I'm working on boundaries with my 3 year old, I need to work on boundaries with her 44 year old father. He finally left, after being there about 2 hours, saying he'd be back at 10 am.
He didn't show up at 10. The pissy side of me always hopes he'll be late, just so I can complain about it. But, under normal circumstances he's never late. 11, 12, 1 pm passed. At that point, I refused to call him. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was at the very least curious, at the very worst, concerned. I never heard from him. Went to bed about 11 pm, extremely worried. I was at the point of starting to think the worst. jail, hospital, dead. In his world, those are all very real possibilities. I thought about what I would tell S, if any of those situations might have been true. I finally called him about 8:30 am on Sunday. No answer. I packed up the twins (S was with my parents that weekend), and started to drive to the condo. I called from the car, halfway there, and he answered. I was livid. LIVID. SEETHING.
Thank the lord S was not in the car because I could NOT hold back. He told me he "flaked out." I told him I was ready to call the cops to do a welfare check on him. I don't remember most of what I said, except that several times I said "THIS is why you need therapy. THIS is why you don't live with us anymore. You're SICK and you need help." The idea that he can just check out when he wants to is just more than I can understand. I don't understand how he thinks it's ok. AND, that he just so easily attributes it to mental illness, once again taking the responsibility off of himself.
The next day he stopped by my work to drop off some papers. We talked. He told me he quit taking his meds. I wonder if it's true. It's the first time I've ever wondered if it's true, or if he just uses it as an excuse to completely lose control. I told him that he needed to pick 2-3 days a week to come over each weekday evening. He is to tell me those days on Sunday each week. I know him so well, I think this will help. WHY am I trying to help? I feel like if he thinks of it more as a job (for lack of a better word), then he will be more apt to stick to his schedule. I also told him that he is no longer allowed to discipline S. That little girl is really mixed up right now, as evidenced by her behaviors. She needs consistent discipline, not the "threat" of time out. I've learned recently that she is "strong willed." She fits all characteristics. As such, she needs strong boundaries set for her, and someone who can discipline her if she tests those boundaries. But, that's a story for another day. I'm her primary caregiver, I will do the disciplining. Besides, he just usually ends up in a "dance" with her, with him getting pissed and her getting her way. Not good.
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