It's August!

I hope to be divorced this month:)

My papers were filed on July 23, and there's a 30 day wait. My lawyer has already talked to the judge, and with any luck, this will all be done this month.

D has not seen his kids in 8 weeks. I've had no contact with him since seeing him at the bank 2 weeks ago. I did talk to our financial advisor earlier this week, who said he had made NO contact with her, meaning that the money he said was on the way was only a lie. Go figure.

Both of the twins (even C) talk about him. "Daddy's not coming tonight. Daddy's sick. Daddy's at his condo. When will we see him? Daddy doesn't want to get us sick."  My heart breaks for them, for each of them in different ways, b/c they are all handling it differently. I suppose this is their first taste of "life's not fair" but what I way to learn that lesson. For a few weeks, any time A got mad at me, she'd scream "I want my daddy!" She seems to be done with it, so hopefully just a phase that possibly came from daycare.

J, of course, continue to be fabulous. I continue to struggle, although less and less, with things like believing this is real, that he won't up and leave, that he does love me and my kids.  He's quite aware of my fear of rejection, lol, but deals with it very well:)

Something is going on in his brain, that he's not completely sharing. Earlier this week I had one of those days that I just needed some reassurance. I read back through some older texts and thought well "just b/c he said it then doesn't mean he still does." Just seeing me, he KNEW something was going on in my head "what's going on up there??" I told him, generally, and he said "to me, things are great, they continue to be awesome." He, apparently, was having the opposite kind of day that day, as he said something like "I was actually thinking the opposite today. Things get better and better." Then he started to say something else and said noooo, we'll keep that as a surprise. When I asked about it later that night, he just said "all in due time." Jerk, lol:)

Then, a few nights later, I mentioned that I'd gotten confirmation from attorney that papers had been filed. "So, you'll be a free woman in 30 days." Um yes, yes I will. He mentioned something about C and O when they are 18, and crazy, and how we'll have our hands full..with a silly grin on his face.

I the same convo, I told him about D's cousin, and her husband, who met online and were engaged 8 months later. I didn't say it in the context of us, but rather because she was just diagnosed with MS. Again, silly grin, "so they met online and were engaged 8 months later."

Anyway, something seems to be brewing but luckily I'm too busy to focus on it too much. Who knows what will happen.