Woah

I just saw a link to this article on FB. Holy hell. With the exception of actually divorcing Dan, this is me, this was us. Some pieces are so right on that it's eerie. I'm floored at the similarities.

Oddly, I found it comforting to know that her husband died within 19 days of being given the diagnosis of alcoholic hepatitis. I've been too busy to research it, and honestly it never occurred to me to research it, but I'm now curious what the recovery rate is for this form of hepatitis.

Alcoholic hepatitis was actually the 2nd diagnosis listed on Dan's death certificate.  Dan's death certificate. How strange to say that. I actually only looked at it on the way to the Celebration of Life for him, not quite 2 weeks ago. I had picked up the copies and was taking them to his brother so that he can close his estate. In a state of denial of course, I looked at it. And it felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Date of Death. How does he even have a "date of death?" And my heart sank when I saw his marital status listed as divorced. It somehow seems nicer to me to die married. I know I know. Completely illogical. And at the bottom were the diagnoses. I wasn't expecting that, as I'd only seen one other death cert and that was his moms. The first was hepatorenal syndrome, which basically means that your liver shuts down your kidneys, and then your kidneys get so bad that there's no possible way for your liver to improve. It was mentioned to me several times in the hospital, but no one ever confirmed. It's a dx of exclusion, so basically you rule everything else out and that's what you end of up with. The 2nd dx was alcoholic hepatitis.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/05/27/surviving-an-alcoholic/?rref=opinion&module=Ribbon&version=context&region=Header&action=click&contentCollection=Opinion&pgtype=Blogs&_r=0


"Robert’s addiction caused chaos in our marriage, our happily-ever-after days got hijacked at the bar, revealing the ugly underbelly of our often admired marriage. The others in the group had been looking forward to their futures, whereas I worried about fresh troubles each day. While they felt the loss of a partner, I’d lost Robert long ago to a never-ending drink of Scotch. They saw their lives as bleak and empty; I’d found some peace and comfort.

Transformed from wife to detective, I began kissing for the sake of sniffing, snooping for receipts to see how much liquor he bought and how often, discovering hidden trash bags full of empty bottles. The confrontations escalated, initiated by me. I was outraged by Robert’s denial and disregard; yet protective and heartbroken, wanting to save him from himself."

I want to post this on FB. I want to scream it from the mountain tops but I won't. Because it doesn't need to be done. It would be me, admitting that Dan was an alcoholic, to the world. I'm not ready for that; not sure I would EVER be ready for that. He deserves his privacy re: this issue, at least now. And admittedly, I don't want to tarnish any thoughts of him that others might have. Ever the enabler I suppose, but at this point, I'm ok with that.