I should have known. My mom called me yesterday, offering my dad's help for Dan to move. Really nice, I know. Then we started talking. She told me how sad she was and thought maybe I had changed my mind. I kept telling her how sad I am too, but that she doesn't know all the details. I assured her if she DID, she would not be as sad as she is. I told her that I understand that she is sad, but that I didn't need to know about it, because it's all I can do to hold it together. That seemed to quiet her a bi, but then she started again. NOT trying to get me to change my mind, just talking about how D is her family too. I get that, I do. I finally had to drop one of the many stories on her. I'll write about it here soon. The story I told could have happened without any alcohol, so it felt a safe one to tell. She was shocked. I then told her that I'm not trying to turn her against him in any way, but that she needs to know what I've been up against (and am trying to get out of). She asked if I thought he "would be ok." I told her honestly that I didn't know, and that I am very worried, especially after he is no longer on my insurance. I told her it's not my job to save him. I told her that I fear getting a call from the cops, similar to the call he received the morning they found his mom's body in her apartment. She said "I do too S. I do too. I was just thinking about that earlier."
This isn't the last of the convo's with her, I'm sure. I'll tell her eventually. I just have no desire to muddy his name. I already feel horrible enough knowing that I've told others.
I'm not defending your mom's actions in any way, because I truly believe that she should be digging deep, burying her feelings and supporting you during your struggle... However, I can see how this all saddens her. Since so much of what has led up to this moment in time has been "hidden" from her (for lack of a better word) I think that much of what she's dealing with right now is shock and worry - for both you and D. It's not easy when we need support, especially from our parents, and they start falling apart too - but people do the best with what they've got and some people just don't cope very well. Don't hesitate to tell your mom that you respect her feelings, but right now YOU need HER support through this. Sometimes I think people just need to hear it, not realizing that they are in fact making a difficult situation that much more difficult. And please, don't feel horrible about the stories you have shared with others. You aren't muddying his name. These stories are the truth. He is responsible for his own actions and in order for people to truly understand where you are coming from, the truth sometimes just has to come out.
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