teeny bits of progress...

I'm getting there, little by little. I had my 3rd visit with the EAP therapist yesterday. We finally went beyond her discussing different resources that I might use, and did some actual therapy. It was good. Hard, but good. She brought up the difference between "what if" and "what is." Constantly, in regards to DH, I'm thinking about "what if xx" or "when xx happens." She really encouraged me to focus on what IS right now, instead of "fortune telling" that always leaves me an anxious ball of nerves and guilt.

I made the call to the attorney, letting him know we're ready to move forward with mediation. Today, I scheduled our first meeting, which will be March 9. That's so soon. But, if I don't keep moving forward, I will stop moving.

We sold some stuff in our portfolio, and I'll write DH a check tonight, hopefully carrying him through several months of living expenses.

Most importantly, and my BIGGEST stress right now is child care. My parents were there all day yesterday. Today, one of my sitters was there this morning and D was supposed to "relieve" her about 12:15. He got there at 11:30 (!!), and will be there until I get home. We'll see what that holds. My friends have been helping me network, trying to find more consistant care than just "piecing" a schedule together, using several different students.

On FB last night, I saw this post "Anyone have a nanny/babysitter that could start ASAP? I have a friend in desperate need of a sweet , kind, helpful person to help her with her 3 kids and no husband." How pathetic that I didn't realize it was about me, at first! This is a friend of a friend, who apparently I am FB friends with. Regardless, she came up with a great lead for a part time nanny. I spoke with that woman this morning, and the plan is for her to come over tomorrow evening and meet the babies, see our routine, etc. I was excited about that, but once I was off the phone with her, I found a note from one of my work friends. His wife has offered to care for all THREE babies on Thursdays and Fridays, for $100 a MONTH. You.have.got.to.be.kidding.me. OMG I told him I thought there was an error on his note and he said "nope, no error." OMG. I really can't pass this up. The icing on the cake is that she has cared for several colleagues/friends children in the past, and she is RAVED about. Plus, she has a little girl just a few months older than S. Plus, she's only about 2 miles from my office. 

So, that would take care of Wed (my parents), and Thursdays and Friday.  

Tonight, I need to have a convo with him about what HIS thoughts are about child care. He at least needs to FEEL like he has a say (even if he really doesn't). I told him to think about what he wants to do/contribute and what he feels he CAN contribute. I do NOT want to take his kids away, that is not my goal in this at ALL. He needs them as much as they need a father. But, they don't need a drunk father.