Treatment

Alot has happened since my first post. H checked himself into treatment the day after Christmas. He was there for 19 days. Major discovery: his psychiatrist had been prescribing him possibly lethel doses of meds, especially when combined with alcohol. They did agree with the bi-polar diagnosis, but changed some meds. He was doing well. He was logical, insightful. I was hopeful, but realistic.

He relapsed 7 days after returning home. And then 7 days later, and then another 7. Like the hopeful, co-dependent wife, I saw a good sign in the fact that he was not drinking every day, and when drinking, not *that* much, for him anyway. But then the lies started again. And the deception. And I had to put my foot down, again.

So now, we're talking about divorce. More than talking about it really. We had a good conversation this weekend about property and the babies, and money. The money is the hardest conversation. He received a decent inheritance from his mother when she passed away. That money is in both of our names now, meaning I have access/right to it. He mentioned he wanted at least half, and I thought that was fair. I know that I can support myself with my income, but where I will need help is with childcare and general child expenses. I would like half of the money, to ensure they can be raised as I want them to be.

But then, I feel sad, worried about him. Half of the pot of money is a decent amount, but he'll quickly blow through it. He won't work, I know this. If the divorce happens, he may stay healthy(ish) for several months, but then start snow-balling out of control. He'll run through the money, and I feel bad for that. He'll have nothing. Meanwhile, I'll be in our house, raising our kids, with a nice little nest egg. That is the co-dependent talking. The rational, get your shit together side of me says, tough. He is responsible for his own decisions. And I KNOW, way down deep in my heart, that his mom would be ok with me taking half the money, knowing I will make wise decisions regarding the care and education of her grandchildren. Of this, I have no doubt. It evens out my co-dependent thoughts.

He has a psychiatrist appointment on Friday. It will be his first appt with new doc, post-discharge. This doctor is affiliated with the hospital where H stayed, and works with substance users daily. H gave me permission to join him for that appointment. As we're moving closer and closer to divorce, the social worker in me feels a strong need help him apply for Disability. He can't work. He might be able to function enough to GET to work, and may even be able to stay sober at work for a week or so, but eventually, alcohol will get in the way. Or, should I say, work will get in the way of alcohol.

I worry about what will happen to his health coverage if we divorce. He'll lose it all. Medicaid? I don't know anything about it really. He can't go without meds. If he does, he's certain to end up homeless on a beach in Florida, or face down in a gutter in DC. I know this, because he's been there before.