I feel like I've used this title before. I'm using it again, in regards to, you guessed it. D has lost his ever-loving mind.
It had been almost another 3 weeks that went by before he contacting me to see the kids. He left a message that he was "ready to face the music." When I called back, he told me he was ready to be bitched out. I calmly told him that I have no bitching to do, and that I've wasted too much breath on him already. I confirmed his sobriety (7 days), and agreed that he could come over. He walked in to open arms of all 3 babies. I was honestly happy for him that they did that. I was a bit afraid, honestly, that they would be more standoffish. His presence, after all, is getting to be less and less.
The visit went well. He was in a good place, engaged with them, behaving appropriately. I honestly didn't even look at him or talk to him for well over an hour. He finally told me that he'd been sober for 7 days, as he'd had a wake-up call. Apparently he fell, face first, on the sidewalk in front of his condo. He said he barely got up on his own, but did. He was dizzy for 2 days, having to hold on to the wall if he needed to get up for anything.
When he left, Sophie asked if he cold come over the next day, which he deferred to me. I said "probably" knowing that I would let him. Fast forward to the next morning when his brother texted me telling me that he hadn't gotten any work from him in 6 weeks. I called D and asked him about it, remembering that he had told me he was thinking about quitting. Mind you, this is an 8 hour a week job, that he can do from HOME naked, if he wants. He told me he quit. I asked if his brother knew. He said he didn't know. I asked if he had TOLD his brother he quit. No. Then HOW IN THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW?!?! The logic....it's just not there. I pushed him on the job thing for a minute or two, questioning where his money was going to come from. He started shutting down, so I asked if he wanted to come over that night and he said yes. I told him that it was ok with me, but that he should know that J might be there. He said "well then never mind."
Suddenly, I got this very malicious, baiting, question. "So, did you have fun at the game, on your birthday?" referencing that I went to the baseball game with J for my b-day. I said yes, and that it was fun.
Then he said "did you get some?" UM, HELLLOOOO? I actually asked "get some what?" hoping against hope that I had heard him incorrectly. Nope. Get some sex. That's none of your business. Did you? It was your birthday, I assume you did. How is that your business?
Well, you better not get pregnant. HOLD THE PHONE, WHAT?! And how is THAT your business? It's my business. Are you planning that? It's totally my business if you get pregnant, because it will negatively affect my children. Ummmmm.....really....b/c you haven't negatively affected your children?
He hung up after that. WHO does he think he is. I was livid, completely floored, mouth hanging open.
He's completely deluded. I called J and told him about it and he stated the obvious, I just hadn't realized it. He said that D finally realized that he had lost me, and is just pushing back. I don't understand how he could NOT know he had "lost" me by now, but I think J was right. He had planned on being at my house last night, and volunteered to leave so D could be there to see his kids. Under different circumstances, I might have done that, but not after the crap that he pulled.
This is NOT going to be pretty.
Earlier that morning, I'd ask J his thoughts on meeting D, knowing that it will have to happen. Of course his immediate response was "Whenever. Whatever you need me to do." We had already discussed that D is going to have to minimally accept that J is in my life (and not going anywhere). He's at my house ALOT, and if D wants to see his kids, they will run into each other. I'm not going to rearrange MY schedule or what I want to do to cater to D. I've done it for too many years, and I'm done. He's going to have to deal with being uncomfortable. J has offered to support me in whatever I choose to do. He's happy to meet D; he's happy to leave when he comes over. But again, the two of us are on the same page that this is something D will have to get used to.
Of course, I didn't hear from D the rest of the day, and so far today not at all either. I can only imagine that he's drinking again, but maybe not. I hope his fall was the eye-opener he needed.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
The facts
This is hard sometimes. I need to get this out now, or else I'll never be able to work today. To date (9 weeks by the way!), two issues have come up for me with Justin. I will be clear and say they were not issues, but more left-over crap from D, and J was the the lucky recipient. One happened last week when he let me know he'd dumped the ice out of the ice bin and was making fresh ice. He made a comment about how full the freezer was, blah, blah. Dan used to BITCH about the freezer. I took J's extremely innocent comments and twisted them until they were unrecognizable. I started to cry and finally told him that he had ripped off a band-aid and it had nothing to do with him. We talked about it (imagine!), and he was just so damn sweet, telling me he understood why the freezer was so full of chicken nuggets and hotdogs and that he'd help me rearrange the freezer so we could have a full ice bin PLUS all the food in there (instead of taking it to deep freeze in the basement). I was just clearly just PISSED at myself for taking something like that to the level I did, but more so, I was in awe and shock that he wanted to talk about it, figure out a solution, etc.
Last night, we were in my family room watching TV. We were sitting clos-ish, and I was rubbing his arm or something and he fell asleep. It COMPLETELY set me off. It was just a huge flashback (he actually used that word later) to me and D and some other point in time. Once I figured out he was asleep I went and got in bed, totally pissy. The longer he slept the more pissy I got. Let me preface this by saying he'd worked like 10 hours and it was after 10 pm. HELLO, the boy was tired. He finally came into the bedroom and saw that I was upset. We talked a bit, I cried, he held me, it was (mostly) over. There was still some stuff festering in me, but more it was a thought that OMG he's going to think I'm too emotionally needed and decide to bolt, that it's too much for him. I did not admit that to him. I should have and will, maybe next time something like this comes up.
I HATE that D is still doing this crap. Even from far away, he is still controlling part of what I do/feel. I HATE IT. But, I'm so lucky to have J that is helping me work through it.
When I doubt that he'll stick around, I have to remember the facts. A few of the very recent ones are are: he has told his mom and sister about me, as well as his co-workers; he's shown them all pics of me AND my kids, he braved my parents; he tells me he loves me, he SHOWS me he loves me, he bought a Mother's Day card for my kids to sign b/c he knew no one else would, he's talked WAY into the future, we've discussed kids (as in our own...as if), he wants to know the names of all my friends and how we met and what they mean to me. He remembers everything I say and do. He remembers that I was wearing purple eyeshadow and purple scarf on our first date:).
He came to my house with a belated Mother's Day gift, a gift card to a local massage place that I used to go to. He'd overheard me talking to a friend about how it had been so long since I had a massage and how I used to have a "regular" guy that I always went to...so he googled massage places close to me, narrowed them down and took a chance that he was going to the right one. He did! And, after he gave me the card, he CALLED the store to make sure that my guy was still there. Really? Who does this!?!!?
Another super good one. He bought a tablet late last week. We were a the park on Mother's day and he was taking pics of the kids. We were home later, scrolling through the pics, and after those pics were done a few popped up of his son, after that, there were 3 more pictures. He had taken a picture of the birthday card I had given him (it was a sappy one), the front, the inside, and then the area where I wrote my own stuff. I said, very incredulously "you took a pic of the CARD I gave you?" He very simply said "what's wrong with that. I like being able to read it whenever I want."
This morning was the kicker though. Ww were lying in bed, just talking, but mostly just lying there. He said he loved me. Issues still left over from last night, I asked if he was sure (yes, kick me now, I deserve it). He said "I will love you as long as you let me." I was floored. I think that was the most honest and amazing thing that ANYONE has ever said to me. I was speechless. I don't think I ever did respond to it, I mean, how WOULD I respond?
These are the facts I need to remember when reservations about what he is feeling and thoughts that he won't be around long seep into my head.
Sidenote: he left before the kids woke up this morning. After he walked out the door, I went to open the twins door. Avery immediately asked for him and I told her he had to go to work. She ran towards the front door screaming "Justin hug, Justin hug" devastated that she had missed him:(
Last night, we were in my family room watching TV. We were sitting clos-ish, and I was rubbing his arm or something and he fell asleep. It COMPLETELY set me off. It was just a huge flashback (he actually used that word later) to me and D and some other point in time. Once I figured out he was asleep I went and got in bed, totally pissy. The longer he slept the more pissy I got. Let me preface this by saying he'd worked like 10 hours and it was after 10 pm. HELLO, the boy was tired. He finally came into the bedroom and saw that I was upset. We talked a bit, I cried, he held me, it was (mostly) over. There was still some stuff festering in me, but more it was a thought that OMG he's going to think I'm too emotionally needed and decide to bolt, that it's too much for him. I did not admit that to him. I should have and will, maybe next time something like this comes up.
I HATE that D is still doing this crap. Even from far away, he is still controlling part of what I do/feel. I HATE IT. But, I'm so lucky to have J that is helping me work through it.
When I doubt that he'll stick around, I have to remember the facts. A few of the very recent ones are are: he has told his mom and sister about me, as well as his co-workers; he's shown them all pics of me AND my kids, he braved my parents; he tells me he loves me, he SHOWS me he loves me, he bought a Mother's Day card for my kids to sign b/c he knew no one else would, he's talked WAY into the future, we've discussed kids (as in our own...as if), he wants to know the names of all my friends and how we met and what they mean to me. He remembers everything I say and do. He remembers that I was wearing purple eyeshadow and purple scarf on our first date:).
He came to my house with a belated Mother's Day gift, a gift card to a local massage place that I used to go to. He'd overheard me talking to a friend about how it had been so long since I had a massage and how I used to have a "regular" guy that I always went to...so he googled massage places close to me, narrowed them down and took a chance that he was going to the right one. He did! And, after he gave me the card, he CALLED the store to make sure that my guy was still there. Really? Who does this!?!!?
Another super good one. He bought a tablet late last week. We were a the park on Mother's day and he was taking pics of the kids. We were home later, scrolling through the pics, and after those pics were done a few popped up of his son, after that, there were 3 more pictures. He had taken a picture of the birthday card I had given him (it was a sappy one), the front, the inside, and then the area where I wrote my own stuff. I said, very incredulously "you took a pic of the CARD I gave you?" He very simply said "what's wrong with that. I like being able to read it whenever I want."
This morning was the kicker though. Ww were lying in bed, just talking, but mostly just lying there. He said he loved me. Issues still left over from last night, I asked if he was sure (yes, kick me now, I deserve it). He said "I will love you as long as you let me." I was floored. I think that was the most honest and amazing thing that ANYONE has ever said to me. I was speechless. I don't think I ever did respond to it, I mean, how WOULD I respond?
These are the facts I need to remember when reservations about what he is feeling and thoughts that he won't be around long seep into my head.
Sidenote: he left before the kids woke up this morning. After he walked out the door, I went to open the twins door. Avery immediately asked for him and I told her he had to go to work. She ran towards the front door screaming "Justin hug, Justin hug" devastated that she had missed him:(
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
a song, a key and a very peaceful 4 year old
J's birthday was Sunday. We went out to celebrate Saturday, dinner and then out for a drink afterwards. Ahhhh...I just love being with him, lol. He's just so easy to be with, and so easy going. He's seriously like a breath of fresh air. Dinner was awesome, we totally took our time. Appetizers and entrees and a bottle of wine, and dessert. It.was.so.nice. I don't have to worry about being "on" when I'm with him. He's not afraid of PDA...hugs and kisses and just touching:)
After dinner, we were driving, trying to figure out what to do. The J.ohn Le.gend song All of Me came on. He was already holding my hand, but then started SINGING it to me (yes, he can sing). I about died, it was so sweet. We made it to where we were going and went in for a drink. When we got back in the car the same song was on. He asked "is this our song?" Again, so sweet. Then, he basically professed his love for me. He was crying. He was so sincere. What have I done to get so lucky? I do NOT understand.
He spent most of his birthday with his son, but did come over later in the evening, when I gave him his present. Let me tell you, it's TOUGH to think of a gift for someone who is so special to you after such a short time. I ended up getting him two t-shirts (sort of a joke based on an earlier convo), and a bag of his favorite Lindor Truffles. I remember being shocked when I learned it was his favorite candy, totally pegging him for a Hershey bar kind of guy, lol:) I also told him I was getting him a membership to our Zoo, which I could tell he was so appreciative. He and O go there almost every weekend in the summer. Then, he opened his card, which contained a key to my house. Yes, I went there. I had been considering it for awhile, but finally last week a practical reason came up that he needed one. His eyes LIT up when he saw it. Again, so sweet. I asked if he thought it was too soon and he said "not when you know." In addition to the very sappy card, I also wrote my own little paragraph of sappiness which he loved.
He's spent the night every night since Saturday. Monday night, Sophie and Avery were playing before bed and asked J to wrap them up like babies. After the twins went to bed, S asked him to do it again, so he did. He wrapped her up really tightly in a blanket and then sat down with her. She was fighting sleep, her eyes were fluttering. I am not exaggerating when I say I have not seen her that peaceful in at least 6 months, if not a year. Not even when she's sleeping. It was the most intense attention and affection she's gotten from a man in a year and you could tell she needed it. She was perfectly content and he was just staring at her...with love. He looked at me and just smiled. And I melted. Again.
After dinner, we were driving, trying to figure out what to do. The J.ohn Le.gend song All of Me came on. He was already holding my hand, but then started SINGING it to me (yes, he can sing). I about died, it was so sweet. We made it to where we were going and went in for a drink. When we got back in the car the same song was on. He asked "is this our song?" Again, so sweet. Then, he basically professed his love for me. He was crying. He was so sincere. What have I done to get so lucky? I do NOT understand.
He spent most of his birthday with his son, but did come over later in the evening, when I gave him his present. Let me tell you, it's TOUGH to think of a gift for someone who is so special to you after such a short time. I ended up getting him two t-shirts (sort of a joke based on an earlier convo), and a bag of his favorite Lindor Truffles. I remember being shocked when I learned it was his favorite candy, totally pegging him for a Hershey bar kind of guy, lol:) I also told him I was getting him a membership to our Zoo, which I could tell he was so appreciative. He and O go there almost every weekend in the summer. Then, he opened his card, which contained a key to my house. Yes, I went there. I had been considering it for awhile, but finally last week a practical reason came up that he needed one. His eyes LIT up when he saw it. Again, so sweet. I asked if he thought it was too soon and he said "not when you know." In addition to the very sappy card, I also wrote my own little paragraph of sappiness which he loved.
He's spent the night every night since Saturday. Monday night, Sophie and Avery were playing before bed and asked J to wrap them up like babies. After the twins went to bed, S asked him to do it again, so he did. He wrapped her up really tightly in a blanket and then sat down with her. She was fighting sleep, her eyes were fluttering. I am not exaggerating when I say I have not seen her that peaceful in at least 6 months, if not a year. Not even when she's sleeping. It was the most intense attention and affection she's gotten from a man in a year and you could tell she needed it. She was perfectly content and he was just staring at her...with love. He looked at me and just smiled. And I melted. Again.
Monday, April 28, 2014
fabulous weekend
OMG, it just gets better and better:)
So, he said the L word last Monday. I wanted to say it, it just wouldn't come out. Then, on Tues I was nearly busting at the seams to say it but he ended up not coming over. And then Wed I just couldn't get it out either. Finally, on Thursday morning at like 6 am, I said it to him. It was ridiculously sweet. He was SO happy...actually happy is an understatement. I don't have a word for what either of us were.
I feel like I'm 13 with my first boyfriend...but this is SO much better lol:) We met him and O at the Zoo on Saturday morning. Then, he came over Sat night and spent the night and then spent all day Sunday repainting my family room (long story). On his day off, he did that for me. It was his idea, I never asked. He woke up and made us all breakfast, down to my coffee in my favorite mug, fixed just the way I like it.
At the Zoo, C got some sunscreen in his eyes and started screaming. J was SO patient. OMG. I was just a puddle of goo watching him take care of him. D would have never been that patient. I hate to compare them. There is simply NO comparison.
So, onto the next major topic of conversation. Due to my infertility and the fact that it took me 4 years of mostly medical intervention to finally get pregnant, I am not on any form of birth control. There just hasn't been a reason to be. Since January, I have started tracking my cycle, but again, not putting too much stock in it, just more to be aware. Well, let's just say that after the fact, I realized there was a very well timed "situation." At first I was like "oh yeah right, like THAT'S going to happen." But then, the closer I got to my period starting, I starting thinking more about it. Not worrying at all, just being more aware of an impending period (or not). Luckily (?), it showed up as planned, right on time. Yesterday morning, we were talking and I brought up the fact of exactly how well timed the sex was, and how I hadn't wanted to mention anything until after my period actually showed, for fear of freaking him out. I should have known it wouldn't freak him out. It led us back to a VERY early texting convo in which he had brought up the question of whether or not I wanted more kids. He actually let me know his response before asking for mine. His thought was something like this, and yes, trust me, I realize it seems REALLY early into a relationship (esp at the time this convo actually happened) but it doesn't seem odd or awkward or forced or anything. Just natural. He said "as much as I'd love to have a child with you, I understand what you've been through and would never want to make you go through any of that again." At the time, I just sort of put it in the back of my mind, for future reference. Well, future reference was yesterday. There I was saying "I'm not on any form of birth control, and would prefer not to be, and don't mind if we don't use anything, blah, blah." He reminded me of the texting convo and said his feelings hadn't changed and if something were to happen, that it would happen and he would be more than fine with it. OMG. OMG. SO then, fast forward later in the day, I mentioned how I want to have a garage sale or sell some stuff on Craigs list, but that I have so much baby stuff that I can't bear to get rid of yet. Mentally, I'm just not there. I'm not ready to give it up. He basically said that in light of the convo earlier that morning perhaps I should hold on to the baby stuff for a bit longer. OMG. OMG is actually an understatement. How in the HELL did I get HERE.
Last night, he told me he adored me. ADORED. I don't think any guy has ever said that to me. We all went out to dinner last night. It's like I have this new, amazing little family, and I realize it's only been 7 weeks, but I can't see anything changing. There are no red flags for me. He's amazing as a person. He's amazing to me. He's amazing to my kids.
So, he said the L word last Monday. I wanted to say it, it just wouldn't come out. Then, on Tues I was nearly busting at the seams to say it but he ended up not coming over. And then Wed I just couldn't get it out either. Finally, on Thursday morning at like 6 am, I said it to him. It was ridiculously sweet. He was SO happy...actually happy is an understatement. I don't have a word for what either of us were.
I feel like I'm 13 with my first boyfriend...but this is SO much better lol:) We met him and O at the Zoo on Saturday morning. Then, he came over Sat night and spent the night and then spent all day Sunday repainting my family room (long story). On his day off, he did that for me. It was his idea, I never asked. He woke up and made us all breakfast, down to my coffee in my favorite mug, fixed just the way I like it.
At the Zoo, C got some sunscreen in his eyes and started screaming. J was SO patient. OMG. I was just a puddle of goo watching him take care of him. D would have never been that patient. I hate to compare them. There is simply NO comparison.
So, onto the next major topic of conversation. Due to my infertility and the fact that it took me 4 years of mostly medical intervention to finally get pregnant, I am not on any form of birth control. There just hasn't been a reason to be. Since January, I have started tracking my cycle, but again, not putting too much stock in it, just more to be aware. Well, let's just say that after the fact, I realized there was a very well timed "situation." At first I was like "oh yeah right, like THAT'S going to happen." But then, the closer I got to my period starting, I starting thinking more about it. Not worrying at all, just being more aware of an impending period (or not). Luckily (?), it showed up as planned, right on time. Yesterday morning, we were talking and I brought up the fact of exactly how well timed the sex was, and how I hadn't wanted to mention anything until after my period actually showed, for fear of freaking him out. I should have known it wouldn't freak him out. It led us back to a VERY early texting convo in which he had brought up the question of whether or not I wanted more kids. He actually let me know his response before asking for mine. His thought was something like this, and yes, trust me, I realize it seems REALLY early into a relationship (esp at the time this convo actually happened) but it doesn't seem odd or awkward or forced or anything. Just natural. He said "as much as I'd love to have a child with you, I understand what you've been through and would never want to make you go through any of that again." At the time, I just sort of put it in the back of my mind, for future reference. Well, future reference was yesterday. There I was saying "I'm not on any form of birth control, and would prefer not to be, and don't mind if we don't use anything, blah, blah." He reminded me of the texting convo and said his feelings hadn't changed and if something were to happen, that it would happen and he would be more than fine with it. OMG. OMG. SO then, fast forward later in the day, I mentioned how I want to have a garage sale or sell some stuff on Craigs list, but that I have so much baby stuff that I can't bear to get rid of yet. Mentally, I'm just not there. I'm not ready to give it up. He basically said that in light of the convo earlier that morning perhaps I should hold on to the baby stuff for a bit longer. OMG. OMG is actually an understatement. How in the HELL did I get HERE.
Last night, he told me he adored me. ADORED. I don't think any guy has ever said that to me. We all went out to dinner last night. It's like I have this new, amazing little family, and I realize it's only been 7 weeks, but I can't see anything changing. There are no red flags for me. He's amazing as a person. He's amazing to me. He's amazing to my kids.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
The L word
I love you. He said it last night. OMG. Then, he proceeded to tell me all the WAYS that he loved me. I was a big puddle of mush, and he was teary. I didn't say it back. I wanted to. I REALLY did. But it wouldn't come out, and I didn't want to force it. He didn't seem to mind at all...I know he's being patient and I appreciate it SO much. That said, today suddenly, I'm bursting at the seams to say it, but not sure if I'll see him tonight.
And WTH. I'm still trying to process that it's ONLY been 6 weeks. SIX. But, it for some reason doesn't seem rushed at all. It seems like it's the way it should be. And I'm just going with it.
Another "first" last night...he came over about 6, and we ordered pizza. We sat out on the patio and played with my kids and then when the pizza arrived, we actually sat at the freaking dining room table and ate, again, like a family. While I was busy getting the kids what they needed, he was putting food on MY plate. He definitely is a care-giver. He likes to take care of me, and not in a weird-o sort of way. When we had dinner on Saturday he knew what I wanted and ordered for me. It took me off guard, not that I minded at ALL, but seriously, who is this AMAZING guy that just wants to make my life a little easier. I forgot to mention that we totally closed the restaurant that night. They were literally mopping around us. He told me last night that that was the best dinner date he's ever had. YAY ME:)
I told Sophie this morning that he might spend the night sometimes, framing it that he might be too tired to go home and will stay and then get up and leave for work from our house. She didn't bat an eye. I told her that he might be able to help me get breakfast ready or get babies in the car, etc. She said "yeah, that's what I was thinking too." I also told her that I really liked him a lot and that I might give him a hug or a kiss. She got a funny look on her face, lol. I asked if she ever saw me kiss daddy and she said no. I told her that when people care about each other it's ok to do that, and I reminded her how often I hug and kiss her and C and A.
When we were having dinner last night, C started in with a silly game that we started along time ago, looking at me and saying "mommy, mommy, mommy." I then point to him and say "Connor, Connor, Connor." Next up is "daddy, daddy, daddy." After he said that, I reminded him that daddy wasn't here. So, he pointed to Justin and said "Justin, Justin, Justin" and started giggling:)
Some pics from Saturday. Oli is in the red hat:)
I adore these next two...and J took them. It's SO something I would have wanted to take, but wouldn't have, b/c I wouldn't want him to think I was being weird.
Avery fell and he ran to comfort her. :)
He PLAYS with them...doesn't just watch:)
And WTH. I'm still trying to process that it's ONLY been 6 weeks. SIX. But, it for some reason doesn't seem rushed at all. It seems like it's the way it should be. And I'm just going with it.
Another "first" last night...he came over about 6, and we ordered pizza. We sat out on the patio and played with my kids and then when the pizza arrived, we actually sat at the freaking dining room table and ate, again, like a family. While I was busy getting the kids what they needed, he was putting food on MY plate. He definitely is a care-giver. He likes to take care of me, and not in a weird-o sort of way. When we had dinner on Saturday he knew what I wanted and ordered for me. It took me off guard, not that I minded at ALL, but seriously, who is this AMAZING guy that just wants to make my life a little easier. I forgot to mention that we totally closed the restaurant that night. They were literally mopping around us. He told me last night that that was the best dinner date he's ever had. YAY ME:)
I told Sophie this morning that he might spend the night sometimes, framing it that he might be too tired to go home and will stay and then get up and leave for work from our house. She didn't bat an eye. I told her that he might be able to help me get breakfast ready or get babies in the car, etc. She said "yeah, that's what I was thinking too." I also told her that I really liked him a lot and that I might give him a hug or a kiss. She got a funny look on her face, lol. I asked if she ever saw me kiss daddy and she said no. I told her that when people care about each other it's ok to do that, and I reminded her how often I hug and kiss her and C and A.
When we were having dinner last night, C started in with a silly game that we started along time ago, looking at me and saying "mommy, mommy, mommy." I then point to him and say "Connor, Connor, Connor." Next up is "daddy, daddy, daddy." After he said that, I reminded him that daddy wasn't here. So, he pointed to Justin and said "Justin, Justin, Justin" and started giggling:)
Some pics from Saturday. Oli is in the red hat:)
Avery fell and he ran to comfort her. :)
Monday, April 21, 2014
Meeting Oliver and other big things...
Well, another milestone out of the way...the kids and I met Oli (J's son) this Saturday. He's 3 weeks younger than Sophie. I had mentioned last week that I was thinking of taking my kids to Purina Farms to see the Easter Bunny, and they have a petting zoo and other fun stuff as well. J never really responded affirmatively that he was interested in joining so I dropped it. He then sent a text on Fri asking if that was still our plan and that he and O wanted to join.
Oli and S took to each other right away. He's an only child, and sort of take charge (not bossy), and it fit really well with S's timid, unsure personality. I took my digital camera and J got some awesome pictures. Will upload those soon and post here.
There was such a feeling of family, if that makes any sense. It wasn't me taking care of my 3, and J taking care of Oli. It was both of us, taking care of them all. It's what I envisioned a "family" should be. It was just really freaking awesome.
Yesterday, the kids and I went to my parents for Easter. I dropped the bomb. I had too...I was ready, and I knew I needed to just put it out there. So I told my mom. She had all of her usual questions, but interestingly (for my mom) her first question was "does he make you happy." Of course, I answered yes. It was all good after that. It took her 20 minutes of questioning before she asked what he did for a living (also very out of character for my mom). I told her he was a carpenter. She didn't bat an eye. I asked her "you don't have a problem with that?" She said "why would I have a problem with that. I'm sure he's a hard worker." Who is this mother of mine, lol?!
Speaking of his job, he brought it up on Sat night. We were out to dinner and he said something about his paychecks (apparently he usually has several each week). He mentioned how much he made hourly (not in the same oddball way that Shane had done so). First of all, it was ALOT more than I expected. He mentioned that he had made more prior to the recession, but then had gotten laid off, and when he was offered a new job he actually asked for less than what he had been making, just because he really enjoyed what he does and that it's not about the money for him. I LOVED hearing that. And, I also felt horrible, after thinking originally that he had little ambition/motivation. He's doing what he loves. What more can a person ask.
THEN, after dinner we were sitting in the car trying to figure out what to do. We somehow got into a serious conversation and it turned to D. He said "I feel for him." He went on to say that yes kids are a lot of work and it can be crazy and chaotic but they are gifts and we are lucky to get to experience them, and one day he hopes D realizes this before it's too late for him and his kids. I might have died a little inside. Not only does J NOT feel threatened by an ex, but to feel what he does for him is beyond me.
Ohhhh...and the big news (not like all of this isn't big, lol), is that J openly spent the night last night. Easing into it for me, b/c S stayed at my parents, but it was incredibly nice to 1) not have to sneak him out of the house this morning and 2) (and the big one for me) when the twins woke up, they hopped into bed with us and the 4 of us just played, and were goofy together. Again, this is the vision I've always had in my head of how my "family" would be...
Oli and S took to each other right away. He's an only child, and sort of take charge (not bossy), and it fit really well with S's timid, unsure personality. I took my digital camera and J got some awesome pictures. Will upload those soon and post here.
There was such a feeling of family, if that makes any sense. It wasn't me taking care of my 3, and J taking care of Oli. It was both of us, taking care of them all. It's what I envisioned a "family" should be. It was just really freaking awesome.
Yesterday, the kids and I went to my parents for Easter. I dropped the bomb. I had too...I was ready, and I knew I needed to just put it out there. So I told my mom. She had all of her usual questions, but interestingly (for my mom) her first question was "does he make you happy." Of course, I answered yes. It was all good after that. It took her 20 minutes of questioning before she asked what he did for a living (also very out of character for my mom). I told her he was a carpenter. She didn't bat an eye. I asked her "you don't have a problem with that?" She said "why would I have a problem with that. I'm sure he's a hard worker." Who is this mother of mine, lol?!
Speaking of his job, he brought it up on Sat night. We were out to dinner and he said something about his paychecks (apparently he usually has several each week). He mentioned how much he made hourly (not in the same oddball way that Shane had done so). First of all, it was ALOT more than I expected. He mentioned that he had made more prior to the recession, but then had gotten laid off, and when he was offered a new job he actually asked for less than what he had been making, just because he really enjoyed what he does and that it's not about the money for him. I LOVED hearing that. And, I also felt horrible, after thinking originally that he had little ambition/motivation. He's doing what he loves. What more can a person ask.
THEN, after dinner we were sitting in the car trying to figure out what to do. We somehow got into a serious conversation and it turned to D. He said "I feel for him." He went on to say that yes kids are a lot of work and it can be crazy and chaotic but they are gifts and we are lucky to get to experience them, and one day he hopes D realizes this before it's too late for him and his kids. I might have died a little inside. Not only does J NOT feel threatened by an ex, but to feel what he does for him is beyond me.
Ohhhh...and the big news (not like all of this isn't big, lol), is that J openly spent the night last night. Easing into it for me, b/c S stayed at my parents, but it was incredibly nice to 1) not have to sneak him out of the house this morning and 2) (and the big one for me) when the twins woke up, they hopped into bed with us and the 4 of us just played, and were goofy together. Again, this is the vision I've always had in my head of how my "family" would be...
Friday, April 18, 2014
no title
LOL, I have no title for this. Just happy. Last night, a night with no plans, suddenly morphed into J meeting us for dinner at one of our favorite places. We went from having chicken nuggets and mac n cheese to meeting J for dinner. It was his first time being out in the world with us. He was already in the parking lot when we got there. I got C and S out of the car, and by the time I did, he was already working on A's seat belt. He picked her up to carry her across the parking lot. I saw Sophie grab his hand to hold. I almost lost it right there. Neither one of us had asked her to do it. She just did, and he let her. Tears in my eyes right now.
The experience with him there was so different. There was no chaos, no meltdowns. Sure, typical kid stuff, but nothing crazy. He came back to our house after dinner. Avery, on her own, gave him a hug and kiss before bed. OMG.
He's SO sucking me in, lol.
I had lunch with one of my very good friends today, and we had a SERIOUS talk. More like her talking to me, and me listening. This friend is realistic and analytical and practical. She is the friend I turn to when I need a "this is what is going on/you need a reality check" conversation. She's always been one of D's biggest supporters, agreeing with me that he is a good person with very horrible problems. I had already told her about the "L word" convo that J and I had.
She just laid it out there for me. She told me I needed to forget the timeline that I have in my head. That this is what happens when there are kids involved and two people know exactly what they want. Random I know, but she predicted J would still be around at Christmas. She told me I need to tell my parents. She told me I need to stop the sneaking around b/c it's doing nothing but stressing me out, and it's not HELPING anything. She told me that S (and the twins, for that matter) need to see an example of a positive relationship. And it's ok if ultimately this doesn't work out, b/c if it gets to that point, we'll behave like adults and be civil, and that will also teach a lesson.
I guess I have two ultimate fears: 1) that my kids will see a parade of men into my house (and their lives). Rationally, this is a completely idiotic fear, simply b/c it's not me. 2) That S will "tell on me" to my parents, "J spent the night last night." How pathetic is is that I am almost 40 years old and afraid of my parents opinion. Attached to that fear is the one that my parents will most likely not approve, at least at first. He does not match up with their vision of who I should be with. And, I think this is where my "he's not my type" comments keep coming from. In my parents eyes, he's not my type.
And talk about irrational, I was sitting here working this morning and got this thought in my head "omg, he doesn't like me anymore." CLEARLY NOT THE CASE, and I knew it was an asinine thought. So I sent him a text saying "don't even ask, but I had a minor freak-out that you didn't like me anymore!" The fact that I can just admit that to him says something about how comfortable I am with him. He responded with 3 texts:
Stacey...
I'm pretty sure I'm 100%...
in love with you.
Woah...speechless (and I told him that too, lol).
D update: as of this Sunday, it will have been 3 weeks since he's seen his kids. Bastard.
The experience with him there was so different. There was no chaos, no meltdowns. Sure, typical kid stuff, but nothing crazy. He came back to our house after dinner. Avery, on her own, gave him a hug and kiss before bed. OMG.
He's SO sucking me in, lol.
I had lunch with one of my very good friends today, and we had a SERIOUS talk. More like her talking to me, and me listening. This friend is realistic and analytical and practical. She is the friend I turn to when I need a "this is what is going on/you need a reality check" conversation. She's always been one of D's biggest supporters, agreeing with me that he is a good person with very horrible problems. I had already told her about the "L word" convo that J and I had.
She just laid it out there for me. She told me I needed to forget the timeline that I have in my head. That this is what happens when there are kids involved and two people know exactly what they want. Random I know, but she predicted J would still be around at Christmas. She told me I need to tell my parents. She told me I need to stop the sneaking around b/c it's doing nothing but stressing me out, and it's not HELPING anything. She told me that S (and the twins, for that matter) need to see an example of a positive relationship. And it's ok if ultimately this doesn't work out, b/c if it gets to that point, we'll behave like adults and be civil, and that will also teach a lesson.
I guess I have two ultimate fears: 1) that my kids will see a parade of men into my house (and their lives). Rationally, this is a completely idiotic fear, simply b/c it's not me. 2) That S will "tell on me" to my parents, "J spent the night last night." How pathetic is is that I am almost 40 years old and afraid of my parents opinion. Attached to that fear is the one that my parents will most likely not approve, at least at first. He does not match up with their vision of who I should be with. And, I think this is where my "he's not my type" comments keep coming from. In my parents eyes, he's not my type.
And talk about irrational, I was sitting here working this morning and got this thought in my head "omg, he doesn't like me anymore." CLEARLY NOT THE CASE, and I knew it was an asinine thought. So I sent him a text saying "don't even ask, but I had a minor freak-out that you didn't like me anymore!" The fact that I can just admit that to him says something about how comfortable I am with him. He responded with 3 texts:
Stacey...
I'm pretty sure I'm 100%...
in love with you.
Woah...speechless (and I told him that too, lol).
D update: as of this Sunday, it will have been 3 weeks since he's seen his kids. Bastard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)