advice

I am certain that D drank today.  As he was leaving, I told him he needed to think long and hard tonight about whether he wants to continue to spend time with his kids. He told me I couldn't tell him what to do. Hello 6th grade.

I got a little dramatic after he left, and started thinking about our first mediation appointment tomorrow. I don't know how the appt will unfold, have no idea what to expect. All I know is that I need to protect my children. That said, I also don't want to take them away from him, or him away from him, especially S.  

I wondered how a a breathlyzer could possibly play into all this. I thought about making it a requirement when I come home each day, and the first time it's positive at ALL, that's it, he's done. That led to the thought of what exactly can I tell the attorney, without him having to hotline our case. I wasn't sure how attorney mandated reporting worked. 

I called our friend S, who currently lives in Hawaii. He's such a good guy. And, I love that we met him after we were already together. He wasn't MY friend and I introduced him to D, or vice versa. He knows D almost as well as I do. I e-mailed a few days ago to tell him about the divorce. He didn't ask why. He didn't need to; that's how well he knows us. 

I learned that for attorneys, mandated reporting is more about imminent threats/dangers. Giving him anectodal info should not be a problem. He also talking with me about legal vs physical custody. He thinks I need to ask for full legal AND full physical. However, as usual, I have to treat D with kid gloves. I can't go in agressive, or else he'll get defensive and nothing will be decided. He thinks I need to pose it as "this is the easiest, let me have complete custody and then you don't have to worry about it. " If I frame it that it's to his advantage, and that I'm taking on all the work, he may not argue at all. Of course, that doesn't solve the childcare issue, but I'm so glad to have had that convo with him. He really prepped me for tomorrow. 

Re: childcare, I think I AM going to suggest a breathlyzer, just to see how he reacts. 

S told me that it sounded like I had everything planned really well, and had really thought through everything. He thinks I sound like I have my shit together, and am very non-emotional about the entire process. We agreed that for me, the hard part is probably over, but that it hasn't even started for D. 

Interestingly enough, he talked about the grieving process and that I've been grieving for years, and now it's just a matter of papers and signatures.

I cannot tell you how mad I was at him when I got home. RIght away, he asked if I'd keep Sierra tonight. Why? I'm going out with friends. Really, REALLY? We're starting the DIVORCE process tomorrow because of YOUR behaviors and you are going out the night before that and engaging in the very behaviors that are tearing our family apart.