the weekend

I have no clever name for this post. Just wanted to mention the highs and lows, the weirdness, the sickness, the new normal.

D came over about 9 on Saturday so I could take C to get his hair cut. He was sober, as sober as he's going to get, so I didn't ask him to use the breathalyzer. Things are just so much more chaotic when he's there. I don't know if it's simply him being there, and that he gets that babies worked up, or what, but it was crazy. Not bad crazy, just crazy. Loud. He napped on and off Saturday morning. I finally asked if he just wanted to leave. he said that his cell phone died and that's what he used for an alarm, so he was awake every hour Sat morning worried that he would oversleep. OK, fine.
Saturday afternoon I decided to take a nap while the babies were napping. I've been fighting a nasty cold and just really needed to rest. Babies wake up at 4 from their nap. At 4:10, D popped his head in the bedroom door and asked "are you planning on joining us?" Um, REALLY. Are YOU planning on joining the world of the responsible? No, oh ok, then I'm going to just hang out here a bit longer. Ass.

About 5, he was trying to work. I noticed him start to sweat, and then noticed that he was trembling so bad he could barely use the mouse on his computer. I kept seeing him sneak glances at me to see if I noticed. It was really impossible not to. he finally said he had planned on spending the night (sober of course), but that he wasn't doing to well and really needed to go (read: needed some alcohol to get rid of the withdrawal symptoms). I did feel for him, it was really heart wrenching to watch. I've seem him shake before, but NEVER like this. He said he "partied hard on Thurs and Friday" and was paying for it. Whatever.

He came back Sunday morning. Better mood. Seemed more motivated. Got alot of work done. Cooked (!!!) for me.  Then, he posts on FB that he cooked for "his wifey." It caught me off guard, like dude, WTH do you think is happening here?  Cousin H sent me a text this AM, questioning his post. I confirmed that yes, he does seem to be in denial. As she said, he seems to think his apartment is some sort of vacation rental.

Our next mediation appt is this Saturday. I'm certain he has not gone to 4 AA meetings in the past 2 weeks, nor has he even attempted to get a therapy appt with any of the agencies I sent him. What happens if he doesn't comply?  I have no clue.

I reminded him that our nieces b-day party is this weekend (2 hours away), daughter of his brother M. I told him I planned to go and he said "are you crazy." Again, whatever. He then said "don't feed M anymore propaganda about me." Um, excuse me, you mean the TRUTH!?!?!

He just continues to live in the is world of denial, where nothing is his fault, but everything is about him. He mentioned the monotony (again) of his job this weekend. I reminded him that he now has the freedom to go out and find something else. His response was "and I really like people telling me what to do." At first, I thought it was a jab at me that I was telling him what to do, but he kept talking and I realized it was about actually working. He reminded me of instances where he had a boss that knew less than him/was less productive than him, but yet he had to take orders b/c he was the boss.

Um YES, that's the way it works. You can't be out of work over 3 years, being FIRED from your last 3 jobs b/c of drinking, and expect to slide into a cake job where you're the boss. isn't.going.to.happy. He lives in lala land.