Well, this is a story. I'm going to type what I know, so far, and leave the rest for later. Not hitting "publish" until this evening, when I can include the final chapter.
I got home last night about 5. I talked with D for a while. He seemed normal, sober, playing with kids, acting (and reacting) appropriately towards them, walking, talking, logical, rational. I would have taken him to church. I asked him to do the breathlyzer and he blew .08. LEGALLY DRUNK. We were both dumbfounded. Yes, even him. This was not an act. He said "I swear to you, I have NOT had a drink since about 11 pm." I believed him, not b/c I'm gullible or naive, but b/c I know his pattern. He drinks hard and heavy until 11 or 12, and then passes out until 7. We both realized, without expressing, that this was definately residual "left over" from the night before.
If you look up a chart of how someone acts as their BAC gets higher, you'll see that .08 is pretty drunk. He acted how I act when I am completely sober.
My disbelief was really HE IS ACTING FREAKING NORMAL. NOT DRUNK, BUT NORMAL.
His 'baseline' is legally drunk.
I knew no one would believe me. I did text H and tell her what happened. She responded this morning, letting me know that if he were .08 at 5 pm, at it's peak (if he was telling the truth about the time of his last drink), he would have been .3-.4. Possibly unconscious, possibly CNS depression.
She said "If he's drinking himself into .3-.4 every night, he will not live much longer. There is no kinder way to say it."
I have been in the office with him, with both medical docs and psychiatrists, to hear them say "if you really drink that much, I cannot believe you are still sitting here. You should be dead." Only me, and his close friends who have been witness to it know just how much he can handle.
So, he came over this morning. Because, well, I didn't know what else to do. Again, I firmly believe that he did NOT drink yesterday. He arrives today, breathylzer .07. I just look at him. Again, dumbfounded. Acting NORMAL. Again, he confirms that his last drink was around 11. "What in the HELL are you drinking, and how much?" "Vodka. A lot." "Doesn't this SCARE you that your BAC is this high, NINE hours after you stop." He just looked at me, got teary and then frustrated said "I know I have a problem." Damn right you do, dude.
Dear Lord.
So, I told him that starting next Tues, I would have alternate care for the kids. He can come over and "give it a try" to watch them, but if his BAC isn't .00, he has to leave, regardless of how he is acting and when he had his last drink.
I think this is an eye opener for both of us. We've (I've) always gauged his drunkeness by his behaviors. Now, we have a number to attach to it. I'm certain he's legally drunk more times than he's not.
So, I guess the big question will be what his BAC is when I get home.
--------------
BAC was .00 at about 5 pm. He told me he's drinking about 1/2 big bottle of vodka a night, which is over the course of about 5 hours.
I asked him if I can have a key to his apartment. He said yes, and then asked why. I said "in case I need to find you one day." He knew what I meant.
I am at a loss for words. I'm as dumbfounded as you - to blow a .08 that many hours later?! That is so scary, sad, frustrating.... He can admit that he has a problem yet he won't do anything about it? I can't understand how the mind of an addict works - especially one who has so much to live for, so much worth changing for. I can only hope that you never truly need that key to his apartment. He's literally killing himself. :( And to be so selfish as to allow that to happen, especially after what he experienced with his mom's death... I want to wring his neck! (and hug you!)
ReplyDelete