Yesterday morning, he got home about 8:30, clearly a nervous ball of anxiety to see my parents, but still recovering from the stomach bug. Finally, very kindly, I just told him to leave. I told him he looked like he was ready to stand in front of the firing squad, and maybe he'd feel more up to it next week, when his stomach is feeling better. He agreed (and I believe was extremely relieved).
I watched him walk out and down the sidewalk. I felt sorry for him, thinking "oh, he got up too early for no reason. Poor thing feels horrible. Why didn't I just tell him last night not to worry about it." Sorry for this person who is ruining our marriage!
I have the patience of a saint. I'm not bragging, I do. I got it from my dad. My mom and my sister are drama queens and my dad and I are the quiet ones in the corner, just waiting patiently. I have to have patience to have dealt with my sick husband for 14 years, not to mention the 4 years of infertilty that we struggled to get through. I RARELY loose patience with my children. They REALLY have to push and push and PUSH for me to loose it. I felt it coming on last night. The twins are still recuperating from the virus, plus they have a cold. They were both SCREAMING in their high chairs b/c they didn't want to eat. S pooped in her pull up. I tripped over the baby gate going into the kitchen. Babies throw their cups on the floor, snot running out of both of their noses. S is begging to play with the ipad and refusing to take her pants off so I can change her pull up.
Finally, it occured to me that it's D that should feel sorry for ME! Had I REALLY felt sorry for him that morning b/c he had to get out of BED so early? I know without a doubt that he was not thinking of ME at that moment I was in the kitchen, dealing with screams and snot and shit, feeling sorry for me. He wouldn't do that. An addict wouldn't do that. Not to say that he doesn't love me, and care about me, but he's not wired to worry about someone else. Addicts are too wrapped up in themselves.
Side note: I was talking to my mom yesterday and she validates my anxiety and worry that he clearly has been drinking when they've been visiting. She mentioned 2 occasions to me, not hinting at anything, only mentioning them because they were so odd.
1) a few weeks ago, D apparently told my mom (with my dad within ear shot) that D and his brother were going to get together and overthrow my dads power of attorney, and stick him in a nursing home. My dad is HEALTHY; there is no TALK of a nursing him anytime in the near future. She said this really weird, sort of scary laugh. It was obvious to me he was drunk, and a bit delusional. How BIZARRE is that? He's prone to paranoia, especially when drinking, but good GOD that is one of the most bizarre things I have heard from him. My mom is not an exagerator, I'm sure it happened just the way she said.
2) Right before Christmas my parents were visiting and D left for about 3 hours, supposedly to buy my Christmas present. When he came home, my mom asked what he got me. Not an odd question, right? He said "that's between me and my wife and I don't have to tell you." Um, weird?! Also, I KNOW he wasn't shopping because I know for a fact that he got my presents Thanksgiving night. Clearly, he was out for a joy ride and 3 hour drinking binge while my parents were there caring for our children.
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